We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
