I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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