I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
