Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
