we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
