were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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