Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
