she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
