Your tits are I can't wait for
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
