Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
