You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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