We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
