is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
