Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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