she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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