Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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