The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
