and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
