he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
