Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
