U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
