i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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