Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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