would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
