No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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