My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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