not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
