the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
