you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
