Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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