Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my shit smells like andre
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
