I'm really into asian looking animals
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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