i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
