the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
