What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
