Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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