i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
