i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
