Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Bring me that man meat
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
