Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
