mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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