You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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