I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize