Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
