Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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