Plan B is the new Plan A
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
