butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
