you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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