Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
