i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my poor anus
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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