she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
