take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm at about main and main street
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
