she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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