i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
