Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is my gift to your gina
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
