I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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