And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
