I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
