The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
