How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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