6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?