Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit