I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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