Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.

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(805): View more from California

My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.

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(815): View more from Illinois

should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?

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(949): View more from California

Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!

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(480): View more from Arizona

I had to brake up with him.

(602): View more from Arizona

In my experience drinking helps.

(480): View more from Arizona

You dont want to know why?

(602): View more from Arizona

Not really. I want to drink.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.

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(904): View more from Florida

I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie

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