There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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