You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie