she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"