omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can text with my tongue
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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