I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
