But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
