Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
