The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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