I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
