I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
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