Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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