if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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