how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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