the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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