I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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